


Fears of the Past

by RichieToziers



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: F/M, M/M, Sad with a Happy Ending, soft Stan Uris
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2019-10-30
Packaged: 2021-01-05 20:56:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21214958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RichieToziers/pseuds/RichieToziers
Summary: Everyone lives au because I’m still in denial and Stanley is happy ;) Maybe





	1. Well Fuck...

**Author's Note:**

> italics are flashbacks

_September 1989_

_“Swear, swear i-if it ever comes back we’ll come back too,” as Bill held a broken piece of glass you felt yourself tearing up as you nodded. Stan took your hand as if he had just known- he always knew the best ways to comfort you. Bill approached you like he had with the other losers and dragged the glass across your palm as you hissed in pain. You swore and you meant it now it was only a hope that it never came back._

September 2016 (27 years later)

“Y/n?.... Y/n!.... Y/N L/N!!!!!” Your boss Roger had been screaming for you for the last five minutes.

“Shit! Sorry Roger I’m just trying to perfect the last part of this frame,” you sighed, looking away from the computer screen for the first time in 5 hours.

“You’re working insanely hard on this short you know that right?”

“I’m head animator!! Of course I’m working really hard, I’ve wanted this my entire life!” Roger just laughed at you.

“Okay you have my attention, what’s going on?”

“Your phone has been going off the hook for the past ten minutes!” He handed you your phone you left by your bag, you opened your mouth to say something but nothing came out. Your phone started buzzing once again, a call from Maine-

“Hello this Y/n L/n..”

“Y/n? It’s Mike. Mike Hanlon from Derry.”

“Oh shi- h-hey Mike. Fuck please tell me you’re calling because you’re in town?” You bite your lip in anticipation and start to hyperventilate.

“I wish it was y/n I really do but I need your help.”

You honest to god couldn’t believe this was happening again. But then again you hadn’t thought about- no you didn’t remember anything until Mike called and it hits you like a freight train. Everything- at least what you thought was everything, every moment, every emotion, every single one of the-

“Losers club,” the floor felt like it dropped beneath you and suddenly you were on your knees, feeling a hand clamp down on your shoulder tipped you over the edge and you screamed and sobbed curling in on yourself.

There were distant voices and everything was blurry, you felt yourself being picked up and set down in a chair and you could make out faces in front of you.

“Shit! She blacked out!”

“She’s been working too hard,”

“Y/n! Y/N!! Come on, look at me!”

***

You had been sent home after you passed out, they thought it was stress, so they made you promise to take at least a week off.

As soon as you pulled into the driveway, you took off running to pack because god knows you were leaving as soon as possible. Were you scared? There was no doubt about it but you made a promise. So you got on the next plane to Derry, Maine.

***  
Pulling up to the Jade of the Orient had you reeling in lost memories, it almost didn’t feel like Derry but you knew well enough it wouldn’t be this nice of a visit.

“Holy shit is that little y/n all grown up? In heels no less, I remember you telling me you’d never be caught dead in a pair,” pulled from your thoughts, Richie Tozier stood with his hands in his pockets, laughing at you.

“Trashmouth Tozier, shit I actually missed your terrible jokes.” He just laughed again, holding his arms out for you and you hugged him tight. He had been your best friend before you met the rest of the losers with the exception of Stanley Uris.

“Y/n? Is that you?” Letting go of Richie you were faced with your first love, the one person you hated yourself for forgetting-

_You were sat on Stan’s bed, peering over his shoulder as he showed you his collection of bird photographs he had taken. Your arms were wrapped around his torso gently and he would smile over at you every so often sometimes adding a small peck on the lips. You were supposed to be studying but he was too excited to show you pictures of his beloved birds._

“Stan! Oh my god!” You didn’t realize you were running toward him until you were close enough, wrapping your arms around him. He reciprocated and you could feel his laughter bubbling up.

“How’ve you been bird man?” Richie came toward the both of you as you let go and Stan hugged Richie. The two men only laughed at each other and turned back to you.

“I see your music taste never wavered?” Looking down at your Queen shirt and back at the new voice which you soon realized belonged to Ben Hanscom.

“Oh don’t start with me new kid on the block,” you smirked and he shook his head as he hugged you which ended very quickly as you were pulled away by the resident redhead of the group.

“Hey Bev, I missed you too.”

***  
Entering the restaurant was surreal, finding the other three members: Eddie, Bill, and Mike around the table. Many hugs were given and no one could pass up teasing anyone at the table. It felt like no time had passed, you all had grown up together, those 27 years apart just disappeared.

You had sat between Stan and Richie and every so often, Stan’s hand would brush against yours. You felt like a teenager again but you were unfortunately brought back down to earth.

“Y'know when Mike called me, I threw up. Like I was sweaty and nauseous,” Richie let out a shaky breath- “I’m okay now- why is everyone looking at me like this??”

“I crashed my car when I was on the phone with him,” coughed out Eddie.

“I passed out at work, they all thought it was stress but I started panicking during the call,” everyone had very similar moment surrounding the call. Then it just seemed to click in everyone’s mind but no one said anything until Bev let out a choked sob,

“Pennywise.”

“The clown?” Everyone let out a collective shaky sigh, frantically looking around for confirmation. And there was just silence until the fortune cookies were brought over.

“I don’t know who’s making the fortunes but they aren’t very good mine just says me,” the paper was thrown into the middle as Bill sighed.

“Mine just says decided.” Richie stared at it in confusion and then tossed his in the middle with Bill’s. Everyone started placing their fortunes in the middle to piece together what it said. It was just arguing and yelling until Bev put hers down and everyone shut up.

YOU’VE DECIDED TO COME HOME TO ME LOSERS

Almost as if on cue the cookies started shaking in the bowl and one by one they popped out, cracking into pieces revealing gross bugs and parts. You all backed away from the table, Stan’s hand immediately found yours as you stood terrified. Mike began hitting the table with a chair and screaming it wasn’t real no matter how fucking real it felt.

***

“I can’t do this Mike, I’m sorry I just can’t. I’m going back to the inn, getting my shit and leaving!” Richie stormed off to his car, followed by Eddie and Stan. You eventually walked off finding Stan leaning against his car, with his head in his hands.

“Hey, it’s okay, I’m right here,” you pulled his hands away and he pulled you against him and you let him hold you silently. As he let go, wiping his nose, he kissed your temple and drove away.

***  
It was a frantic mess of Richie trying to leave, Eddie getting his stuff from upstairs, and no one knowing what to do. You joined Stan and Bev in drinking from the old bar, downing the scotch in silence.

“We can’t leave, if we leave we die.” Bev says taking another drink.

“And you know this how??” Richie demanded.

“I saw it. I’ve seen us all die. In the-“

“Deadlights.” Finished Bill- “She was the only one of us that got caught in the deadlights.”

“No, she wasn’t. When I was attacked I saw it too,” Stan squeezed your hand, adding more pressure as he spoke.

“If we don’t stop IT this cycle, we all die-“

“If we go after IT now we still fucking die, we all remember what happened last time right??” Richie was right but they all knew the choices given and if IT wasn’t stopped, more people were going to die.


	2. Here we go again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is very concerned and not having a good time

“I’m sorry, a ritual? That’s how we’re gonna stop IT?” Richie pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Yes! Come on guys just hear me out,” Mike was pleading as everyone stood around in disbelief and panic. Bill stepped forward, putting a hand on Mike’s shoulder,

“I’ve seen it, the ritual, it works. We have one chance to do this right, we owe it to each other.”

“IT touched us all, changed us. We’re the only ones who can do this,” Mike looked back at Bill, who nodded and then looked back at the group. Everyone glanced around and one similarity appeared, fear, no one knew what was going to happen this time.

One by one, belongings were put back, some lingering around the staircase longer out of anxiety. Stanley had remained by your side, standing closer than reconnected friends probably should but then again, you and Stan were something else.

***  
Following Mike through the quaint, little town almost to the edge where the barrens were, you felt homesick. Not for Los Angeles but Derry, 27 years ago give or take a couple years. After fighting IT the first time, you all stuck together, obviously some closer than others but you stayed friends nonetheless.

“I hope he’s not just taking us to the barrens to kill us or be smothered by poison ivy,” Stan chuckled beside you and before you could reply,

“Not every plant is fucking poison ivy, Stan-” Richie yelled before continuing,  
“That was intense deja vu, holy shit,” you looked at Stan with wide eyes and his drowned in confusion before you burst into laughter.

You reached the destination Mike had set out for in the barrens, which you realized to be close by to where you all had a rock war with the Bowers gang. But the spot was special because it’s where the losers clubhouse was.

“This is where the clubhouse was!” Ben ran ahead in search of his beloved creation that he had built. He did find it- by falling in.

_One by one you all climbed down into the cavern below, that Ben was so proudly showing off and frantically trying to fix small broken panels. Richie climbed into the hammock with a comic, Eddie and Bill sitting on old buckets, Bev smoking, Mike swinging in an old wooden swing that he found and had Ben help him put it up, and you and Stan sitting close with your head on his shoulder. It was peaceful for once but it didn’t last long enough, Eddie and Richie started bickering like an old married couple they pretended they weren’t while everyone stared in fake annoyance trying to hide their laughter._

“Why are we here, Mikey?” Richie’s eyes held fondness but his tone had concern.

“This was a place we came to together but we weren’t together that whole summer. To perform the ritual we have to collect a token from the past so we can kill it.”

“A token? Mike come on-”

“Richie just listen to him, we’re trying to win against a demon clown and this is what you’re worried about?” You had snapped, you didn’t mean to but you just wanted some answers and a way out of IT’s claws. Richie mumbled an apology and rubbed the back of his neck, you were considered the mom of the group so everyone tended to listen to you.

“You’ll find your tokens in places where you were alone, so we should split and find them, it’s our best bet,” Mike nodded at you as a thank you.

“No, nope, absolutely not. We’ll have a higher chance of dying if we split up.”

“I’m with Eds on this, I mean he’s the risk analyst after all,” Richie paused while everyone just stared at him- “What? I pay attention.” You shake your head knowingly as you hear Stan laugh quietly behind you.

***  
_After the terrifying experiences at Neibolt and Richie blowing up at Bill because Eddie and Ben were seriously hurt, you all split up for awhile. Stan walked you home in silence which you eventually broke,_

_“My dad’s gonna kill me, he told me not to go to Neibolt.”_

_“Just tell him you went to help your friends, he’s bound to understand that,” he smiled at you but you looked at him confused._

_“Are you not my friend?” his eyes widened and he started sputtering answers which made you laugh- “I’m kidding Stan, I got it.” He glared playfully before laughing too. Giving you a quick hug goodbye, he starts walking up the street as you unlock your front door._

_***_  
You were standing in front of your old house, you didn’t know if anyone lived there anymore, your dad moved out to California five years ago. You went around back to the fence that hid your small backyard to find the gate open, not that it surprised you, that gate never stayed locked. Inside was an old bench you helped your dad build next to a small swing set you remember begging your dad to buy.

Your mom died when you were 6 due to breast cancer, so you only had your dad. He worked a lot to make enough money to take care of you and your bond was unbreakable, he would do anything for you. You peered up toward the house and saw the window to your bedroom had been opened, thinking it was just an old house, you decided to climb up to it like you had many times before coming home from secret dates and hangouts.

It was dusty and gross but for the most part exactly how it looked when you lived here, it was set up different, you guessed due to another family living here. Crouching down on the floor, you look under the bed and find a wooden box, opening it to find your old diary with secrets you’ve withheld for so long.

_“Are you ever going to let me see what’s in your diary? I see you writing in it all the time, if it’s full of your drawings you have to show me!” Stan whined as you put your diary back in its box and under your bed._

_“It’s not my drawings, those I would show you because I know how much you love them, it’s not important,” you wrapped your arms around him and leaned into his chest. He held you close and pressed kisses to your temple and nose._

_“Hey are you two just gonna sit up here and make out or are you gonna join us downstairs for the movie?” Richie made gagging noises and Stan whacked the back of his head before following him out and looking back at you._

_“I’ll be down in a sec, I need to grab something,” Stan smiled and nodded, continuing downstairs. You pulled your diary back out to finish what you were writing but as you got the box out, it wasn’t there. Confused and a little angry, you marched downstairs to confront Stan about it but there was no one there. You looked around the living room and the kitchen but nothing,_

_“Guys this isn’t funny, don’t do this to me you assholes!”_

_“WHAT’S NOT FUNNY Y/N? YOU CAN’T HIDE FOREVER BUT I CAN HIDE YOUR FRIENDS” You let out a broken sob as you lose feeling in your body, collapsing on the ground. IT- Pennywise appeared before you, holding your diary and all you could do was sob._

_“THEY’LL NEVER BELIEVE YOU Y/N. THEY’LL CALL YOU A LIAR, YOU’RE FAKING IT” IT just laughed and leaned over you, drooling. IT fucking laughed at you and you screamed, cowering in fear. And then it was like nothing happened, IT was gone and you were still in your bedroom, clutching your diary._

You had been reading through it and you found the last entry you wrote in it:

**October 12, 1989**

**I started finding Bev really attractive, more and more girls have started looking back at me and I get butterflies in my stomach. But my feelings for Stan haven’t wavered.**   
** I don’t know what to do. Who am I?**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think! Y’all ain’t ready


	3. We’re too old for this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s juicy and sad, y’all ain’t ready.

You had kept these feelings locked up for so long, you had known you were bisexual since you were 13. It was the memories that surrounded it that you couldn’t see, it was all hazy. You remembered feeling like you were betraying Stan, no matter how much he told you he loved you.

Love, there it was, the one thing you were so incredibly sure of. The only thing that never wavered in your heart; you loved Stanley Uris.

You loved the way his golden curls shined in the bright sun. The way he cares for birds in a way you’d care for people. How kind he was and selfless he could be even when he was the one in pain. He was one of the bravest people you knew, even if he didn’t realize it. You would do anything for him, as you knew he would for you without question.

You had been concentrating on slowing your breathing and clutching the old diary in your hands, you didn’t hear the front door open and footsteps coming up the stairs.

“I figured you’d come here,” you jumped up from the bed, holding the book close to your heart before looking up to see it was Stan. He was staring at you with those stupid, beautiful eyes and his gorgeous smile.

“Uh yeah I guess so, sorry I saw-”

“Something you wish you didn’t?” You nodded and he opened his arms for you and honest to god it was pathetic how quick you ran over to him so you could just feel him again. You felt him chuckle and your cheeks flushed, you wondered if you going to do this every time he even looked at you.

After what seemed like only minutes, he released his tight hold on you but he didn’t let go of you. You stared up at him confused and he just smiled at you again, brushing some hair out of your face. His warm touch against your cheek made you instinctively lean into his touch which caused you to blush again.

His other hand came up to the other side of your face, brushing his thumb over the soft skin. You both slowly started leaning forward whether you knew it or not, your lips brushing together. You closed your eyes but to your dismay, the wood paneling in the ceiling came down and you both broke apart. Both of you nearly screaming but instead laughing when you turned to find the paneling on the ground.

***  
Back at the inn, you and Stan found Bev at the bottom of the stairs holding what looked like an old postcard.

“Are the others not back yet?” You looked around the other rooms but found nothing.

“Oh yeah, Ben’s upstairs trying to calm Richie down. I don’t know about Eddie or Bill though,” Bev looked tired as she spoke, hiding the postcard in her pocket.

The door opened again and Eddie came in covered in- you honestly didn’t want to know what. He ran upstairs, followed by Stan who quickly kissed your head.

“Everything okay, Eds?” You asked, concerned.

“Yeah. Why? Everything’s fine, I’m fine,” you and Bev weren’t convinced but then again this was EDDIE and he thought everything would kill him at some point. Ben came back down, without Richie and even as he believed he got him to stay, you knew he didn’t. You knew Richie better than anyone except Stan and probably Eddie, he was your shoulder to lean on- your best friend.

Not even moments later, Bill came in and Bev made her way over to him and out of the corner of your eye you saw Ben’s shoulders fall. He went back upstairs and you quietly followed him into his room,

“Are you okay, Ben?”

“I can’t lie to you, never could.” He smiles and shakes his head before looking at you- “I think Bev always had a thing for Bill while I had a thing for her.”

“I know, it was more than a thing Ben, you loved her, I can see you still do,” he stared at you with sadness in his eyes. He shrugged and you hugged him tight but quickly.

“Thank you y/n. Don’t know what I’d do without you,” you laughed at him.

“You lasted 27 years without me and quite well might I add.” He started laughing too but it didn’t last long as you both heard Bev scream. You both ran out and over to the stairs to find Eddie with a knife wound in his cheek.

“Eddie!! What the fuck happened?!” You scrambled down to the floor.

“Bowers is in my room,” Ben took off running toward his room- “Does it look bad?” There was blood gushing out of his mouth as he spoke and you got him up and took him into your room and told Bev to go find something in Eddie’s bags.

***  
You cleaned the wound and put a piece of gauze on his cheek with medical tape. Ben was mumbling something about Bowers while Bev was cleaning up the bloody gauze and tweezers off the bed.

“Jesus Eds, you’re a fucking badass. Pulling a knife out of your face to stab Bowers,” you were shocked to say the least and Eddie just smiled nervously.

“I mean it Eds,” you squeezed his shoulder- “I guess this means Richie didn’t stay?”

“What’s that supposed to mean Y/n?” Eddie looked almost offended.

“If you were hurt, he’d be here worried about you like we are, he’d agree that you were brave too.” You smirked and he shoved you while rolling his eyes.

“She’s right Eddie. He would but I guess whatever he saw was too much for him.” You all stayed silent for a bit until you looked around and listened for anything in the hallway,

“Hey has anyone seen Stan?” Everyone shook their heads and your heart began to pound in your chest.

Getting up and walking down to his room, you knocked on the door and waited. Nothing came and your hands got shakier, opening the door you called out to him.

“Stan??... Stanley??... Stan!” You were panicking to say the least when you couldn’t find him in the room, you heard water drips coming from the bathroom. You walked into the small bathroom and fell onto the floor. Your hands immediately came up to your chest and you screamed and just kept screaming.

The other three barged into the room along with Richie who had decidedly come back, you didn’t look back at them, you couldn’t. You didn’t realize you had been crying until Richie crouched down beside you and wiped them away. He was crying too, everything was all too loud and too quiet at the same time.

Before you lay your darling love laying in a bloody bathtub with the words IT GOT TO HIM FIRST written in blood. Your brave Stanley Uris was gone. Richie tried to get you off the floor but you wouldn’t budge,

“Y/n look at me, come on honey,” you shake your head and your tears continue falling as sobs rack your body. Richie sighed shakily, picking you up as you screamed for him to put you down because you couldn’t leave him there. The others put a hand on your shoulders as they cried, Richie took you into his room and just held you. What else was there to do?


	4. Forgotten Wishes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This hurts me more than you know, but maybe you'll forgive me

Numb. You were numb as you sat staring down at the floor. Richie sitting at the end of the bed, switching from looking at you to the hallway. The others gathered outside, silent, you could hear one of them pacing.

You turned to look at Richie and you honestly didn’t recognize him for a moment. He looked paler and empty, like there was nothing left of him. You understood though, he and Stan had been best friends since they were 3 years old. You three were really close, especially during high school.

***

_You were leaving for college in a few days and you had finally built up the courage to tell Stan. You had rehearsed it with Richie, who kept reassuring you that Stan wouldn’t hate you. He had marched you over to the Uris residence and Stan could sense you were nervous about something. Richie squeezed your shoulder before walking back down the street._

_“Hey, what’s wrong babylove? You know you can tell me anything,” he stared at you, taking your hands in his as you sat down on his bed._

_“I got accepted into Stanford and I’m moving out to California in a few days,” all your words were mashed together as you spoke quickly. Stan looked so hurt,_

_“Why didn’t you tell me?”_

_“I was scared, I didn’t want to lose you and I wanted to spend as much time with you as possible making it seem like I wasn’t leaving-” He stopped your rambling by hugging you tight, you cried into his chest as you felt his tears run down his chin._

_“I love you, y/n. I would never leave you. Just promise me you’ll never forget me?”_

_“I promise”_

_***_   
_ “Y/n? Honey, we- we shouldn’t leave him in there.” Bev approached you hesitantly._

“Bev, come on, she just walked in on his-” he couldn’t say it, he wouldn’t say it. Richie just shook his head. Bev sighed and grabbed your hand.

“It’s been almost 3 hours, we can’t leave him in there.”

“I didn’t want to,” it was so quiet and broken, you didn’t realize you said it. Bev and Richie just stared at you with the saddest, apologetic faces and you broke down again. You wiped your tears, getting off the bed and walking off to god knows where. You tried to block out the others yelling for you to stop and come back but you kept going.

You didn’t make it far, you were sitting outside in the parking lot next to your car. You didn’t have a plan but you knew you wanted to be out of there. You felt empty, you hadn’t done enough. The minute you saw Stan again, you wanted to tell him you loved him and that you’re sorry that you did forget him. It was so quiet, the breeze was softly blowing through your hair.

The more you thought about it, the angrier you got. IT has taken away the man you loved, had taunted you about your sexuality and aimed to hurt more of your friends. You weren’t having it, you were gonna kill that fucker if it was the last thing you did. You ran back to the inn, rushing back upstairs while everyone started asking what the hell was going on.

Your blood was boiling as you opened the door to Stan’s room again, the others stood behind you as you walked. You entered the bathroom to look at your lover one more time but instead you found or actually didn’t find something you should have.

“What the fuck guys? You think this is funny? Where’s Stan?” You snapped at your friends who stared in confusion and disbelief.

“Y/n I’m here,” you whipped around to find Stan standing by the bed without a shirt on, holding a towel on his bleeding shoulder. He had minor cuts on his face and a huge bruise close to his beautiful curls. You just stood there, not believing what you were seeing,

“You- you were dead- there was so much blood- and the writing? On the wall? How-” you were rambling and hyperventilating, you pinched your arm and winced, this was real. He was here standing before you and before you realized what you were doing, you walked over, wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him. He used his good arm to hold you close as you broke apart and you sobbed.

***  
“Okay is this some Evil Dead shit or are you actually you Staniel?” Richie poked his cheek while Stan rolled his eyes as Bev fixed up his shoulder.

“It’s still me, trashmouth,” Richie dramatically sighed in relief and everyone laughed, you chuckled lightly but you just kept on staring at Stan.

“So uh, are we gonna talk about this?” Ben shuffled around as he looked at you.

“All I remember is I came back here to look for something, a knife in my shoulder, finding fucking Henry Bowers behind me as he pulled it out and attacking me again and he knocked me out,” Stan sighed as Bev finished patching him up- “I don’t know why he shoved me in the tub and I’m pretty sure he wrote that message to fuck with you.”

“He stabbed Eds too so maybe he’s out for-” Bev was interrupted,

“HE WHAT, EDDIE ARE YOU OKAY WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME.”

“HOW DO YOU THINK I GOT A WOUND ON MY CHEEK DIPSHIT.” You had been pulled out of your trance by the bickering idiots and you really thought Richie was gonna have an aneurysm. Stan took this opportunity to take your hand and take you into the hallway,

“Hey, look at me, please y/n?” He said it with the softest voice you’d ever heard and you obliged. He cupped your cheek and smiled at you,

“I thought you died. I didn’t know..”

“I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere babylove,” he sealed that promise by kissing you ever so softly. You intertwined your fingers together and vowed to yourself to never let him go.

“Aww I missed watching you two love birds suck each other’s faces off,” Richie made kissing noises and laughed while you and Stan just rolled your eyes. He was still laughing but Richie made his way over to you both and just hugged you. Richie loved with all of his being, losing any one of you would break him.

The others joined very quickly in a much needed group hug, some of you breaking apart to be closer to others- Rich and Stan, you and Bev, and Ben and Eds.

“Hey Bev, where’s Bill?” Eddie asked suddenly.

“Um he ran off after we saw a skateboard roll down the stairs, he said it was the kid from the restaurant, he lived at Bill’s old house and Bill said he was in trouble.” Bev sounded more confused in every word so everyone was in the same boat.

***  
The 6 of you were walking to the library as Mike proposed earlier, you were walking beside Stan, hands laced together. You could hear Eddie and Richie bickering ahead of you while Ben shyly walked next to Bev.

“I wanted to ask you, what were you looking for when you went back up there?” You gripped his hand tighter and you could hear him hum in content,

“I had been cleaning out old boxes from my apartment and I found an old drawing you did of a bird which you had written on ‘I love you forever my bird boy’” he paused and let out a little laugh- “and along with it was a picture of us cuddled up on your couch, asleep. I wanted to show them to you.”

You let a tear roll down your cheek while you rest your head on his shoulder as you continue walking to the library.

***  
The library seemed darker than usual, the streetlights surrounding it were barely flickering. The door had been left ajar probably just Mike leaving it open for you all. Quickly walking through the door, something didn’t feel right.

“Guys I don’t know about this..” you whispered loudly so they all stopped walking.

“It’s just Mike, I’m sure everything is fine,” Richie tried to reassure and then you heard yelling and glass breaking. You all tried to stay as quiet as possible trying to find out what the hell was going on. With everyone on edge, you lost track of Richie,

“Where the hell did Rich go??” Everyone looked around for him, you ran around the corner just as Richie had smashed an axe into Bowers head. Bowers fall on the ground and Mike stared up at Richie in shock, you started to approach and then Richie threw up.

“Jesus fuck, Rich”

“You okay?”

“No I’m not! I just killed someone!!” Richie yelled.

“I was talking to Mike..” Ben added sheepishly.

Mike got off the floor, dusting himself off, patting Richie’s shoulder and coming over to the group. He asked where Bill was and none of you could answer definitely so he called him. Sighing as Bill had hung up on him,

“He said the kid was killed in front of him by IT and he’s going to kill it.”

“Alone? Is he kidding?” Eddie scoffed.

“Where would be even go?” Stan asked, squeezing the bridge of his nose.

“Where we fought it last time..”

“Neibolt.” You all day in unison. You knew, you all knew. The Losers club was in the Endgame now.


	5. Crackhead House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part one of the endgame (see what I did there?? Hah)

Walking to Neibolt this time around felt like you were walking on broken glass. You remember having nightmares for weeks and your dad having to console you almost every night. It was nothing compared to what happened to Stan or Bev however. You could feel Stan tense as you walked down Neibolt street and then he just stopped and stared at the house on the corner.

“Guys, I-I don’t think I can do this,” he shook his head and you saw a tear fall down his cheek- “I can't go back there, I’m sorry I can’t.”

“We’re all gonna be right there with you, I promise Stan.” Richie put a hand on his shoulder and Stan sighed.

“You’re brave, Stanley Uris, don’t you ever forget,” you whispered to him, wiping his tears and he nodded. Richie clapped his shoulder again and you made your way to the Neibolt house just as Bill approached the door.

“N-no guys, I h-have to do this a-alone, I got you into this mess in the f-first place because I needed to find G-Georgie,” Bill turned around and his shoulders slumped because he still blamed himself. Bev picked up an old iron bar from the fence,

“Well we aren’t leaving you now, losers stick together.” Bev gripped the bar tightly on her hand and no one moved. Bill sighed and nodded.

“Is anyone gonna say anything?” Eddie looked around.

“Richie said it best last time.” Bill looked toward and so did everyone else.

“I did? Uh I don’t wanna die?,” Bill shook his head- “It’s a good thing we aren’t measuring dicks?”

“Beep beep Richie,” you sighed in disgust and he stuck his tongue out at you.

“Let’s kill this fucking clown?” Bill nodded proudly and Richie straightened out and repeated with a deadly tone, 

“Let’s kill this fucking clown.”

***  
Following behind Eddie with Stan right behind you, gripping your hand for dear life, you all entered the house with a shudder. It was still as gross and dank as you remembered, You followed Eddie, who has followed Bill and Richie into the old kitchen that led to the basement.

All of a sudden Ben starts screaming in pain and the door between the kitchen and the front room is slammed shut. You banged on the door but it wouldn’t budge and then the fridge started shaking. You backed away from the door and close to the corner of the room as the fridge opened, 

“No, no how could you.”

You recognized the twisted and mangled body as your mother. You shake your head, refusing to believe what you were seeing. To make matters worse, the body screamed and it’s head rolled off. 

“Y/n, my love, oh how you’ve grown,” you let out choked sobs as your friends just stared at it.

“What’s happening to me, Y/n? Help me,” it started sprouting what looked like spider legs from the side of its face and it started laughing. It ran toward you and you moved out of the way as Bill tried hitting it with a piece of wood. You ran towards Stan and Richie, Eddie standing in a corner. 

“Eddie? Are you okay?” Richie approaches him.

“Yeah I’m-” a string of drool fell between them and you all looked up to find the spider head. It launched itself at you but Richie pushed you out of the way and it attacked him instead. Eddie didn’t move, Bill jumped on Richie, trying to pull it off him and you lay stunned on the ground, Stan picking up a knife and stabbing the creature. 

The door opens and the others walk in, Ben keeping a hand on the side of his stomach and the creature rolling down into the basement. Stan drops the knife immediately, reaching out to Richie but Richie pushes him towards you. Stan gets you off the floor and holds you for a moment, Bev running in handing Richie her sweater to wipe his face,

“Eddie! Are you kidding me?! Richie could’ve fucking died!!” Bill screamed at Eddie, who hadn’t moved from the corner.

“I’m sorry Bill, I was just scared,” Eddie breathes out shakily. 

“I’m sorry Eds, I-I’m not mad at you. I j-just want everyone to be s-safe, I can’t lose anyone else t-today, Bill loosened up and pats his shoulder. Everyone joins in the room, looking to Richie, you, and Eddie to make sure you’re okay. Then you all look to the basement, standing proudly, together again to finally defeat IT.

***  
“Ugh grey water, I definitely didn’t miss this,” Richie jumps into the sewer, complaining.

“Wow are you kidding me? I told you how gross this fucking water was last time!” Stan rolled his eyes, jumping into the shitty water after him. 

“I knew it was disgusting! But I was dedicated to messing with you Stanny!” He splashes water at Richie who dramatically gasps, splashing some back,

“BOYS!” You yell like an annoyed mother.

“Sorry Y/n…” they say in unison, you laugh and continue wading through the sewers. You all come upon the cistern and start climbing up on the old circus cart. Then you heard bubbling up from the water and Bev screaming, 

“TIME TO SINK” Bev was pulled down and everyone jumped in the water, except Eddie and you. Eddie held you back and you look back at him confused.

“I didn’t want to stay up here alone, I’m too scared.” He looks down at the water and you grab his hand,

“Eds, you’re not a coward. It’s okay to be scared, I’m scared too.” You smile softly and he nods and you both look back at the water. 6 heads pop out of the water and you all climb back up the cart.

***  
“That doesn’t seem safe,” you looked down the uncovered hole in the ground with jagged edges.  
Mike shrugs and starts climbing down followed by Bill, Ben, and Stan. Eddie refuses.

“Eds I promise we’ll be okay.” Bev hands him the rod she was holding and heads down followed by you and eventually Richie and Eddie. 

You all squeeze through a narrow passage to find huge ragged spikes poking up from the ground. Entering the middle of it, Mike puts down the artifact he told you all about, for the ritual and adds a flame.

“Okay now we put in our tokens.” Mike points to the artifact on the ground. Bill puts in Georgie’s boat, Bev puts in her postcard, Ben a yearbook page, Eddie’s inhaler, Richie’s arcade token, Stan’s bird book, your diary which made your heart clench as you drop it in the fire, and Mike finally puts a rock in from the rock war with the Bowers gang.

He tells you all to chant, join hands, and close your eyes as to not look into the deadlights. You all chant, not really knowing what the hell is going on. So you decide to take a peak, one small peak and then everything goes dark.

There’s blood and crying and more screaming, Eddie was on the ground. Everyone, every single loser lay dead before you and you couldn’t move or scream no matter how hard you tried. You felt something wrap around your throat but you only saw the same thing; your friends dying and you couldn’t do anything. 

***  
You found yourself on the uneven ground of the cavern, propping yourself up on your elbows, you found your friends hiding behind the jagged spikes while Pennywise appeared larger than life with claws, like a crab.

“Y/n!! Jesus Christ are you okay?!” Mike crouches down beside you, helping you up carefully.

“I’m fine, what happened?” He sighs and tells you he lied about the ritual because the Natives that tried before, died. You had gotten caught in the deadlights while Pennywise started choking you. Bill threw rocks at IT and you were dropped on the ground, Stan and Mike pulling you aside.

“Are you and Stan a couple again?” Mike chuckled and you cocked your head- “he kissed you, that’s how we woke you up.”

“Oh. Y-yeah I guess. Wait is everyone okay? No one- one is?”

“We’re all here I promise you, I wouldn’t let anything happen. I’ve waited too long to kill this son of a bitch to let that happen,” you smile at him, grabbing his hand and joining the others. You find Stan, who hugs you quickly and drags you to another cave within the cavern itself. 

Not even given a second to breathe until you two were separated by a rock wall and suddenly you were back at home. You weren’t alone however; Richie, Stan, and Bev were around your bed and Stan was holding your diary wide open. He looked up at you and laughed,

“You’re bisexual now? Wow is that just a grab for attention? This is sad Y/n and to think I actually had feelings for you,” he dropped the diary on the ground and walked towards you and you couldn’t breathe.

“Bisexuality isn’t real! I confided in you only for you to stab me in the back and make up this? You’re pathetic.” Richie shoves you on the ground and you feel hot tears on your cheeks.

“Oh Y/n, those girls only looked back at you because you’re weak and they needed a laugh. You’re disgusting and I can’t believe we were friends.” Bev started laughing at you and it got so loud in your ears but you could still hear your heart pounding in your chest. 

“No” you balled up your fists.

“Aww look the little bitch has had enough, that’s cute,” Richie snickered at you.

“NO YOU'RE NOT MY FRIENDS, THIS ISN’T REAL” you screamed and closed your eyes. Everything went silent but you heard Stan- your Stan screaming,

“STAN! STAN IT’S NOT REAL!! STANLEY!!”

“Y/N?!” He sounded scared and confused.

“HONEY IT’S NOT REAL PLEASE TRUST ME” you were breathing heavily and ran forward in the dark expecting to find a wall but instead you ran into a body who caught you in his arms. Stanley. 

***  
You saw everyone back at the edges of the cavern, except Richie-

“Hey fuck face!! Wanna play truth or dare? Here’s a truth for ya, you’re a sloppy bitch!! Yippee-ki-yay mother-” Richie was slammed against the cave wall by one of IT’s claws and you screamed. You heard Eddie yell and launch the fence bar into IT’s face and then silence. Until you saw the back of Eddie’s head and IT’s claw launching toward him and his head disappeared. 

Your vision was coming true, IT would kill your friends and you couldn’t do anything.


	6. The Endgame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end.

You left Stanley’s side, running and panicking to see if IT had really killed your friends, Stan was calling after you but you kept going up the incline to the edge where you saw Richie and Eddie disappear. Reaching the top, you found nothing,

“Richie!! Eddie!”

“Down here!” You heard Eddie’s faint voice from below in a another cavern. Gaining the attention of the others, you all make your way down to them; Eddie is hovering over Richie who seems to be unconscious. His glasses were broken but still intact and he sort of looked peaceful. Eddie, however, was about to go into cardiac arrest,

“Why isn’t he waking up? This isn’t- he’s gonna wake up. GUYS WHY ARE YOU JUST FUCKING STANDING AROUND WE HAVE TO HELP HIM”

“What do you want us to do? He’s unconscious, we can’t do much-” Stan stated in all fairness but Eddie wasn’t having it.

“HE’S YOUR BEST FUCKING FRIEND AND YOU AREN’T GONNA FUCKING DO ANYTHING?!” You all knew that Eddie was just upset but as you looked at Stan, you could see him break inside. He backed away from beside Richie while you glared at Eddie but he was looking at Richie again. Mike went over to console Stan while the others tried to form a plan. 

After just moments of silence, IT started digging its claws into the cavern, trying to get to you all, drooling and screaming. A plan was made to sneak past IT and make it into the narrow passage back toward the sewers, you helped Eddie grab Richie following behind the others. 

‘I SEE YOU LOSERS YOU CAN’T HIDE FROM ME” The dumb clown had found you again, clown, he was just a clown….

“Guys, I have an idea, everything in nature must act in the shape or form they come in right? IT’s just a clown, we just have to make IT believe that,” you set Richie down or tried to at least as you felt his hand grip yours,

“Fuck, what did I miss?”

“Richie! Fuck are you okay? Are you bleeding? What hurts-” Eddie was promptly cut by Richie pulling him down and kissing him. It was very quick but his point was made,

“You worry too much, Eds” Richie hazily smiled before realizing what he had just done, quickly standing up, not looking at Eddie; on the other hand, Eddie was blushing and his mouth was in the shape of an ‘O’.

“Not that you guys aren’t adorable but we should probably take on the killer clown first,” you joked and they both nodded standing further away from each other. You all were joined as a group again facing Pennywise, standing side by side, once again ready to fight. Stanley wasted no time,

“YOU’RE A STUPID FUCKING CLOWN, THAT’S ALL YOU ARE AND EVER WILL BE!”

IT cowered into itself even if it was the slightest bit, you all saw. IT was angry and it wouldn’t back down easily but neither would any of you. You looked over and saw Stan was shaking, grabbing his hand and intertwining your fingers, nodding at the other losers. The Losers Club was going to win this fight, your fears subsiding, it was only an outdated clown.

***  
No matter how terrifying Pennywise could be, he was still a coward and if none of you showed fear, he would have nothing over you. So long story short you all basically bully IT to death and it’s very therapeutic, this was what set you all free. IT had terrorized you as a clown, father, friends, family, and monsters to feed on childlike innocence. And now you were free.

No more lost memories or hesitation due to a killer clown, you all could live out the rest of your lives with the people you truly loved and who truly loved you back. Unfortunately now was not the time for that because the cavern started to collapse. Running to get back up into Neibolt was very stressful but since everyone was on an adrenaline high from murdering a demon, it went pretty quickly. 

Stan pulls you close as you run out of the rotting house that was currently sinking into the ground. He buries his face in the crook of your neck and you can feel his heart beating insanely fast. The others crowd together as the house disappears,

“Honey, it’s over, it’s gone. We’re free,” you whisper to him and some to yourself. He nods and lifts his head up to look at you,

“Is Rich okay?”

“He’s fine, he wasn’t seriously injured.” He nods again, his eyes holding all of his pent up emotions and you wish he wasn’t so hard on himself. 

“I almost didn’t come, I thought- I wanted to end it.” He didn’t look at you in fear of the shame he guessed he’d see on your face.

“We were all scared, I understand, we all do. IT hurt you really badly. But we defeated it together and without you, it wouldn’t be the same. You saved us Stan,” you wipe his tears and kiss his cheek. He finally looks at you and his eyes hold pride and love, a look you missed on him.

***  
The quarry. It was peaceful, just like it was when you were teenagers and swam around in your underwear. One last place that wasn’t touched by the horrors you all witnessed, you wanted to cleanse yourselves.

“No, this is stupid and gross and we could get like seven diseases from swimming in that water, fuck you guys.” Eddie was complaining profusely that you’d all die, he was always kind of a protector. Not that you listened to him.

Bev jumps off first, followed by you and Stan and of course the others. Richie having to put Eddie over his shoulder as he jumped in. You could hear Richie laughing as Eddie screamed at him for making him jump into the dirty water,

“Hey! Are we gonna talk about what happened between you two?” Bev smirks at the two and they freeze.

“Uh listen I um I wasn’t thinking- it was a spur of the moment, I’m so sorry Eds I just-” Eddie cut him off by kissing him again,

“You talk too much.” He smiles nervously, pulling away from Richie but he just hugs him tight, crying into Eddie’s shoulder. You were so happy, you knew Richie loved him, even if he didn’t tell you. The looks he gave Eddie were the same ones you gave Stan. Oh. Stan.

“Uh hey guys? If we’re sharing stuff. Um I’m- I am bisexual.” You didn’t dare look at anyone’s face, you were too scared of being rejected by your friends and your true love. 

“Thanks for running it bi us,” you whip your head up and find Richie smiling at you with understanding and encouragement. Bev squeezes your arm, Bill and Mike giving you a thumbs up, Ben and Eddie high five while smiling at you, and Stan looks at you with pure adoration. 

“There is nothing in the world that change my feelings for you, I love you Y/n,” he wraps you in his arms and feel so loved and supported than you have in decades. Richie and Eddie join you two, hugging you tight which induces an all out group hug. This was your family, your friends, your love, and your life. 

***  
2 years later

You were currently sitting on the couch while your lovely husband makes you lunch because he won’t let you do anything around the house anymore. You still lived in Los Angeles, Stan wanted to move in with you after everything that happened in Derry. He told you that he wouldn’t make you move since you were a famous animator for Disney, you told him it wasn’t a big deal but he was so proud of you. You had dreamed of working for Disney since you were 11, Stan always encouraged your drawing so you dedicated a short to him, Piper that played before Finding Dory. 

You and Stan had always been huge Disney fans and when you took him to see the movie, you watched his reaction to the short before it. He cried. That was two years ago and now you were married, he proposed not even a week after that and you were married two months later. It wasn’t a huge wedding but all the losers came and your father was there as were Stan’s parents. It was beautiful but you were just happy to finally be with your soulmate and now with a little one on the way. Stan was beyond ecstatic when you told him you were pregnant, his little songbird. 

“Honey, are you sure you don’t need help? I’m not crippled you know”

“Yes! I can make lunch, Y/n. No, but you’re carrying our child and I don’t want you stressed out,” Stan was dedicated to making you comfortable and doing everything so you didn’t have to.

“Richie did ask me to be his maid of honor so I’m going to be doing something eventually,” Richie and Eddie were getting married in three months and Richie claimed both you and Stan as maid of honor and groomsman and Bev as a bridesmaid. Eddie was pissed at first but he gets Mike and Bill and Ben. Richie clarifying that he very much was the wife in the marriage. 

Stan sighed and you could hear him laughing to himself as he approached you with your soup, he kisses your stomach and then your lips before eating his food,

“So I’ve been thinking about names.. If it’s a boy I was thinking Wren or Robin. If it’s a girl, Aya or Rosella,” he smiles warmly at you. You haven’t told him about the gender yet,

“I like Aya.” he smiles but looks at you in confusion until it clicks.

“You- it’s a girl?” you nod and he immediately wraps you in his arms, hugging you tightly and he’s crying. He lets go to kiss your tummy again,

“My beautiful girls. Aya means bird in Hebrew, so my little birdie, you’re gonna be daddy’s little girl huh?” You smile and you feel tears on your cheeks. You never thought you would be here, that any of you would be free. 

You married the love of your life and having his child. Bev and Ben got married last year and travel all over the world, Bill and Mike are engaged and moved down to Florida and Bill finally finishing a book well, and Eddie and Richie finally getting married soon. You all took back your lives and now you’re making up for lost time but by now those 27 years don’t matter. No longer did you have nightmares of your fears of the past but dreams of what awaited you, you’d always be losers but you no longer had anything to lose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it as much I as enjoyed writing it!!

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of my fics on tumblr!  
My url is Bitchinrichie


End file.
